Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Coveting

Reading through the Ten Commandments is always at least a bit difficult for me. No matter how well I think I’ve been doing, some sin always comes to light when I really sit down and measure myself against God’s perfect standard. It never fails. I feel conviction.

One commandment in particular never had that effect on me, though. I could stroll right past it, lightheartedly checking it off my list of things I had taken care of. Reading “You shall not covet…” actually made me feel a little better about myself. I was happy with the car and house God had given me, couldn’t complain about clothes or shoes, enjoyed the company of great people in my life, and was content to wait for the think I needed but didn’t yet have. I sincerely thought coveting just wasn’t my struggle.

What I thought changed as I checked blogs off my daily reading list last week. First, I read an amazing description of the beginning of a round-the-world trip: white water rafting in an African river, petting tame lions, riding on elephants’ backs, watching the sun set behind majestic giraffes. Why couldn’t I be the one embarking on such a majestic adventure?

Then came another blog that talked about a couple’s love of traveling. Ever since their wedding day they’ve been packing up and going whenever they may feel like going. Long weekend drives are common and they have a long list of favorite places in several states. Why couldn’t Richie and I have that kind of freedom?

Last, I stopped at a blog written by a guy designing his way through the book of Psalms. His work is amazing. It is inspiring both spiritually and artistically. Why didn’t I have that creativity and skill?

By the end of my blog reading, I was feeling pretty horrible about myself. It wasn’t any of the bloggers’ fault – they’re all great and share awesome things with their readers. I admire all of them. I just felt unsatisfied with my own life when I compared it to theirs.

It’s hard to admit, but I wasn’t glad for the blessings they get to enjoy and I wasn’t thankful for how wonderful my life really is. All I could feel was envy and anger at not having the same exact blessings exactly now. 

I don’t think it could be any clearer. Even though I don’t covet the “usual” material things, that doesn’t mean I don’t covet at all. It took a horrible mood and the ugliness of real envy to make me understand that coveting isn’t just about stuff. We can covet whole lifestyles, beauty, success, relationships. In that case, I covet. A lot.

Do you have a commandment you tend to skip over? One you feel you don’t really struggle with? I thought I didn’t need to work on not coveting, but that was only because I hadn’t fully understood what coveting really covers. Maybe the commandments we think we can handle should get a closer look.

PS. When I’m thinking clearly, I really wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. I may wish I could do a lot more things, but if I had to give up what I have now I’d rather not.

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